And I swear to the stars I'll burn this whole city down

One of my mentors gave me this a few years ago.  In the midst of my cleaning and moving in I stumbled upon it.  When she gave it to me she told me it reminded her of me.  Interestingly enough I didn't agree, but she asked me to keep it in hopes that one day I would.  

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.  I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.  I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.   I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.  I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.  

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.  I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bare the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. 

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you source your life form its presence.  

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.  I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.  I want to know if you will stand still in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.  I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else fades away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

you gotta spend some time, love

Speaking of the ocean...I need to make more of an effort to plan for vacations. My first plan: after graduation, I want to go spend a week on the Oregon coast. Rent a beach house. Walk on the beach, rent movies, read, play games, sleep in, breakfast in bed. Yep. That's what I want. I'm making this happen.

what's ours is ours, and ours is secret

C'est officielle!  Je suis une adulte (plus or moins)!   

For those of you that didn't know, I applied for a pretty amazing grown-up job two weeks ago.  

  Had a phone interview two Fridays ago - drove to MT for an in-person interview the following Monday.  Was offered the job last Friday.

I am now the assistant project manager for international development and assistant to the Senior Vice President for the Project Wet Foundation.  Yes, yes - comes with my own personal office and business cards.  Project Wet is a this international non-profit based out of Bozeman.  They create educational models, syllabi, and activities to teach young children about water.  The international work focuses on developing and funding initiatives to educate the children of developing nations about sanitation, hygiene, and water scarcity issues.  There are huge initiatives in Africa (meaning I get to use my French - and keep learning) and Central/South American (meaning I get to start learning Spanish ASAP).

To be honest, I wasn't totally sold on the whole water thing immediately.  I thought on the idea of applying for a couple weeks before I committed.  After talking to a few staff members prior to my application and then again during my interview, I was sold.  Not just on the issue of water in the contemporary world but also on the type of people I'd be working with and for.  I'm also really excited about the educational component.  Education is one of those things that's always sort of spoke to me - that and I find spending time with children incredibly fulfilling. 

 

My boss spoke to one of my references and explained that the reason they hired me was because I was just "so contagious."  It is an incredible feeling realizing that while my resume and work experience got me the interview, that who I am got me the job.  I often fight feelings of foolishness thanks to my enthusiasm and honesty - so being rewarded for it in such away is pretty amazing. 

So in celebration of my new grown-up job I:

Danced around the Senator's office like an idiot and then left early

Bought a 6-pack of my favorite beer, Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat

Finally got around to upgrading my cell phone - and went with a Blackberry!

Spoiled Laia and got her a handful of new toys for her to destroy

Went to PF Chang's with my parents (totally and completely overrated)

Started the next installment from my favorite series

Refused to feel guilty for being lazy

i don't know where i've been but i know where i want to go

I have been obligatorily committed to a lot of things and people since my sophomore year.

It has been so freeing to actively decide to what I want to be committed.

Most days, it's a stupidly hard question.

And other days, I find myself unable to not be commited- that being where I am, doing what I am doing, is, for the first time, in complete alignment with who I am and what I want.

I am making a wish.

Let's make it come true.

these are the days that bring you meaning

I've been all about being sexy, for no one but myself, lately.  One example of this is my new found fetish with night gowns (I just bought 2 more today!).   There's something empowering about crawling into bed thinking "I am beautiful - with or without the nightgown (or man) - but damn!  Hot ass!"  I tend to fall asleep giggling at my childishness - oh, the things I do in the privacy of my own home.

Also - conventionality can kiss my ass.  

And a final note: I refuse to let fear or insecurity win.