I've missed you,
so terribly.
Please don't go anywhere.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
get up, get out, get away from these liars - 'cos they don't know your soul or your fire
I've missed you,
so terribly.
Please don't go anywhere.
Friday, July 18, 2008
i'll hold on if you want me to
Oh my God! Larry King Live is on debating whether or not a missile in Montana was shot down by UFOs! And Bill Nye is on - being his badass self (arguing against UFOs)! Oh lawrdy!
My brother and I were channel surfing, and between my tipsy ass and his highness on pain killers (he just had surgery...) - we start laughing hysterically and yelling (playfully - we're both very vocal) at each other about it - so Mom comes out worried and confused (which then causes her to yell - hence Nic and I's learned loudness) only to then to start an argument with my high brother as to where Area 51 is located (they were both wrong - which they now refuse to admit). Dad comes in oblivious to whatever is going on and turns the T.V. up so loud as to drown our laughing/yelling/cursing out.
Oh a Friday night in the Larrinaga house! For those who have never experienced it... use your imagination. So now...we're watching this ridiculous argument lacking empirical evidence filled with power outages and drunk Airforce men and my brother threatens to "kill me...dead...." if I don't agree with him (I still can't figure out what we're "agreeing" on).
...and now they're slamming on Bill! Damn them! I LOVE BILL! He employs logical and the crazies threaten him. I'm not entirely sure why I find this so entertaining...but I'm dying of laughter...I had to share. Oh how I want to watch an episode of "Bill Nye the Science Guy" again!
My brother and I were channel surfing, and between my tipsy ass and his highness on pain killers (he just had surgery...) - we start laughing hysterically and yelling (playfully - we're both very vocal) at each other about it - so Mom comes out worried and confused (which then causes her to yell - hence Nic and I's learned loudness) only to then to start an argument with my high brother as to where Area 51 is located (they were both wrong - which they now refuse to admit). Dad comes in oblivious to whatever is going on and turns the T.V. up so loud as to drown our laughing/yelling/cursing out.
Oh a Friday night in the Larrinaga house! For those who have never experienced it... use your imagination. So now...we're watching this ridiculous argument lacking empirical evidence filled with power outages and drunk Airforce men and my brother threatens to "kill me...dead...." if I don't agree with him (I still can't figure out what we're "agreeing" on).
...and now they're slamming on Bill! Damn them! I LOVE BILL! He employs logical and the crazies threaten him. I'm not entirely sure why I find this so entertaining...but I'm dying of laughter...I had to share. Oh how I want to watch an episode of "Bill Nye the Science Guy" again!
you're gonna get what you need
Coming into work today was a joke. My boss left before I even came in today - and I'm in between projects - so I have zero to work on. Half the staff is gone for the day, and the phones are silent. So I get paid to sit on my ass and:
1-look at pictures on facebook
2-read endless amounts of xkcd
3-talk on google chat with Bovard, Landon, and Holly
4-watch pointless news on Obama's exercising habits
5-write on my blog
6-read about the education system crisis and highly debated solutions
7-walk around the building to "stretch my legs"
I need projects. Anything really. Just something to fill the hours and to feel productive. I could never be a stay at home mom or wealthy house wife. I would loose my damn mind. I need to work.
HOORAH....my other boss - I have half a dozen - you know all sorts of efficiency-just reminded me that because I don't actually ever take "official" breaks, that I can leave alot earlier than I normally do!
1-look at pictures on facebook
2-read endless amounts of xkcd
3-talk on google chat with Bovard, Landon, and Holly
4-watch pointless news on Obama's exercising habits
5-write on my blog
6-read about the education system crisis and highly debated solutions
7-walk around the building to "stretch my legs"
I need projects. Anything really. Just something to fill the hours and to feel productive. I could never be a stay at home mom or wealthy house wife. I would loose my damn mind. I need to work.
HOORAH....my other boss - I have half a dozen - you know all sorts of efficiency-just reminded me that because I don't actually ever take "official" breaks, that I can leave alot earlier than I normally do!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Say Anything - But Say What You Mean
A Download
So - found out I was hypoglycemic this week. For those that missed out on that - I was having fainting spells, inexplicable feelings of anxiety, generally light headed, shaky, and distracted. Have since adjusted my diet dramatically and feel bounds and leaps better. But it's a process. I can tell I'm not all the way there even as I write this.... Also have started reading about nutrition and looking through cookbooks again. I'm excited to start playing in my kitchen again. Hopefully many of you will find your way to my dining table. Imagining cooking dinners for myself is a bit of a reminder of the stark reality of living alone next year. I look forward to it on many levels - but am willing to admit that it will be terribly difficult and lonely some days.
I've started reading again for pleasure. And pleased I am. I forgot how much time I used to spend in the summers curled up with a book. It's one of the many little things I'm rediscovery in my countless hours spent alone.
In my newly found solitude, I've also had to address my need to learn to entertain myself. Sleeping when I've nothing to do (as my typical coping mechanism during the year) is not an option when I don't have anything to do 4 1/2 days out of the week. It's been remarkably empowering. And it has made spending time with friends that much more enjoyable - I love the company, but am coming to a place where I don't need it.
So my dream job at the university has yet to receive funding. Which is a whole lotta awesome. Part of my thinks about worrying about it - but then I realize doing so will get me absolutely no where. As of now, I'm hoping it'll work out - and if it doesn't - I hope I find something of a better fit. Life has never failed to eventually give me exactly what I need and want - even if it takes ages for me to realize it - so I'm just along for the ride right now. But if you hear of anything I might be interested in - let me know!
Also, after four years, I decided to leave the VOICE Center. Which is a pretty big thing for me. But I've spent the last however many months purging the things that aren't going to lead me to where I want to end up - and sadly, this is one thing that falls into that category. Knowing myself, I'll probably still do the occasional weekend shift, but I'm very much distancing myself to allow more time for things that are an a actual priority for me - instead of things to fill the void.
Speaking of filling the void - I'm so over that. Jesus was that terrible. I'd rather be bored out of my mind or struggle with your endless ability to be difficult, rather than spend another moment on things that don't actually matter to me. Useless progress. Three years full of it. SO over that.
Laia's learning some pretty bad ass tricks (thanks to her bad ass trainer). Right now I have taught her what I call the "Meercat." The next shall be the "Snail" and the "Kangaroo." I'm sad none of my friends know her very well. She's a grump with Matt and no one else has really met her - besides Nick, briefly. And she's not a fan of my brother primarily because he thinks it's fun to make really ridiculously high pitched noises and chase her around the house waving his arms like an idiot. But she's stupidly bright and incredibly mellow. I end each night with her on my feet at the end of my bed as I read. It's a comforting constant. I can already tell she'll be a major reason I (hopefully) stay sane in the coming months...
I'm missing alot of you. I'm missing Montana. For those not in Montana - try and come visit in the coming year. I have an extra room and would like the company.
So - found out I was hypoglycemic this week. For those that missed out on that - I was having fainting spells, inexplicable feelings of anxiety, generally light headed, shaky, and distracted. Have since adjusted my diet dramatically and feel bounds and leaps better. But it's a process. I can tell I'm not all the way there even as I write this.... Also have started reading about nutrition and looking through cookbooks again. I'm excited to start playing in my kitchen again. Hopefully many of you will find your way to my dining table. Imagining cooking dinners for myself is a bit of a reminder of the stark reality of living alone next year. I look forward to it on many levels - but am willing to admit that it will be terribly difficult and lonely some days.
I've started reading again for pleasure. And pleased I am. I forgot how much time I used to spend in the summers curled up with a book. It's one of the many little things I'm rediscovery in my countless hours spent alone.
In my newly found solitude, I've also had to address my need to learn to entertain myself. Sleeping when I've nothing to do (as my typical coping mechanism during the year) is not an option when I don't have anything to do 4 1/2 days out of the week. It's been remarkably empowering. And it has made spending time with friends that much more enjoyable - I love the company, but am coming to a place where I don't need it.
So my dream job at the university has yet to receive funding. Which is a whole lotta awesome. Part of my thinks about worrying about it - but then I realize doing so will get me absolutely no where. As of now, I'm hoping it'll work out - and if it doesn't - I hope I find something of a better fit. Life has never failed to eventually give me exactly what I need and want - even if it takes ages for me to realize it - so I'm just along for the ride right now. But if you hear of anything I might be interested in - let me know!
Also, after four years, I decided to leave the VOICE Center. Which is a pretty big thing for me. But I've spent the last however many months purging the things that aren't going to lead me to where I want to end up - and sadly, this is one thing that falls into that category. Knowing myself, I'll probably still do the occasional weekend shift, but I'm very much distancing myself to allow more time for things that are an a actual priority for me - instead of things to fill the void.
Speaking of filling the void - I'm so over that. Jesus was that terrible. I'd rather be bored out of my mind or struggle with your endless ability to be difficult, rather than spend another moment on things that don't actually matter to me. Useless progress. Three years full of it. SO over that.
Laia's learning some pretty bad ass tricks (thanks to her bad ass trainer). Right now I have taught her what I call the "Meercat." The next shall be the "Snail" and the "Kangaroo." I'm sad none of my friends know her very well. She's a grump with Matt and no one else has really met her - besides Nick, briefly. And she's not a fan of my brother primarily because he thinks it's fun to make really ridiculously high pitched noises and chase her around the house waving his arms like an idiot. But she's stupidly bright and incredibly mellow. I end each night with her on my feet at the end of my bed as I read. It's a comforting constant. I can already tell she'll be a major reason I (hopefully) stay sane in the coming months...
I'm missing alot of you. I'm missing Montana. For those not in Montana - try and come visit in the coming year. I have an extra room and would like the company.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
so that you will know just how i'm deranged
Positive Spin of the Day: "Celebrate Strength Within"
Last night I went to Alive After Five to see The Dodos with Nic. They're pretty much amazing. No - they ARE amazing - think trash can percussion, xylophone melody, and entangling lyrics. Now I'm sitting at work reading their lyrics - yes, I get paid to sit here and read music lyrics - and my rating of them has most definitely increased. Check out - "Men", "Joe's Waltz", or "Fools." These are all from their first album - but still - you get the idea. For all you lovers in Bozeman - they'll be there tomorrow night (July 4th) at The Filling Station.
For a glimpse: http://www.myspace.com/thedodos
Also as a note from recent personal experience - if you ever find yourself at a concert and feel the urge to laugh at or judge those dancing to their own rhythm - don't. They just might be fighting a battle far beyond our understanding.
Things Completed on My List
-Attended a concert
-Planned my day as it unfolded
Things Upcoming from My List
-Idaho Shakespeare Festival
-Movie alone (either "Gone with the Wind" at the Egyptian or Audrey Tautou's new film "Priceless" at The Flicks)
Last night I went to Alive After Five to see The Dodos with Nic. They're pretty much amazing. No - they ARE amazing - think trash can percussion, xylophone melody, and entangling lyrics. Now I'm sitting at work reading their lyrics - yes, I get paid to sit here and read music lyrics - and my rating of them has most definitely increased. Check out - "Men", "Joe's Waltz", or "Fools." These are all from their first album - but still - you get the idea. For all you lovers in Bozeman - they'll be there tomorrow night (July 4th) at The Filling Station.
For a glimpse: http://www.myspace.com/thedodos
Also as a note from recent personal experience - if you ever find yourself at a concert and feel the urge to laugh at or judge those dancing to their own rhythm - don't. They just might be fighting a battle far beyond our understanding.
Things Completed on My List
-Attended a concert
-Planned my day as it unfolded
Things Upcoming from My List
-Idaho Shakespeare Festival
-Movie alone (either "Gone with the Wind" at the Egyptian or Audrey Tautou's new film "Priceless" at The Flicks)
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Dear Orthodox - I Can't Control My Feelings
Weekend Escapades
Going to Bozeman this weekend was a fabulously beautiful decision. I haven't laughed that much in ages - laughter to the point of tears is intoxicating - I need to do it more often. Also, Luke is pretty much the bee's knees. It's strange to think about how long I've known him without actually really getting to know him. His genuinity (which is in fact a word - check out the Oxford English Dictionary for proof) is a delicious dash of spice in my life.
My Je Nay Nay
And then there's Jeannie. My Jeannie. It's strange how much you can miss something without actually realizing you miss it. I worry that because it's been so long and there's been so much distance that maybe she won't like me anymore - or that she won't like this person I've become. How 5-year-old does that sound of me? Sadly, it's exactly how I feel. But then I remember why we became friends. How our friendship started. And while many things have changed - that hasn't. Not who we are at our core. I'll still call her (or send her flowers) to make sure she's ok and leave stupidly long friendship/love notes under her windshield wipers. She'll always remind me to stay objective and level headed when I'm worried or upset. She'll play crab-Frisbee and look a fool with me, even when Luke won't. Jeannie - have I told you that I loved you recently? Because I do. Lots and lots. Be sure and put this somewhere in your heart - so when I'm having a shitty moment, you remember. And please, keep pushing me to be a better person. I appreciate it more than I could ever verbalize.
Montana
I am always surprised by the beauty of Montana. Oftentimes, too picturesque for words. I love it. I love being there. I love the smell. I love the night sky. I love the people. I love the simplicity of a lazy day of Frisbee and grilling. I love the way we are when we're there. Moving to Montana was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Secret
I cannot remember a time in recent history I have been so happy to be woken up. And it took an absurd amount of will power not to let it show - I think maybe I should have. The feeling was overwhelming and unexpectedly surprising.
A Chuckle
Going to Bozeman this weekend was a fabulously beautiful decision. I haven't laughed that much in ages - laughter to the point of tears is intoxicating - I need to do it more often. Also, Luke is pretty much the bee's knees. It's strange to think about how long I've known him without actually really getting to know him. His genuinity (which is in fact a word - check out the Oxford English Dictionary for proof) is a delicious dash of spice in my life.
My Je Nay Nay
And then there's Jeannie. My Jeannie. It's strange how much you can miss something without actually realizing you miss it. I worry that because it's been so long and there's been so much distance that maybe she won't like me anymore - or that she won't like this person I've become. How 5-year-old does that sound of me? Sadly, it's exactly how I feel. But then I remember why we became friends. How our friendship started. And while many things have changed - that hasn't. Not who we are at our core. I'll still call her (or send her flowers) to make sure she's ok and leave stupidly long friendship/love notes under her windshield wipers. She'll always remind me to stay objective and level headed when I'm worried or upset. She'll play crab-Frisbee and look a fool with me, even when Luke won't. Jeannie - have I told you that I loved you recently? Because I do. Lots and lots. Be sure and put this somewhere in your heart - so when I'm having a shitty moment, you remember. And please, keep pushing me to be a better person. I appreciate it more than I could ever verbalize.
Montana
I am always surprised by the beauty of Montana. Oftentimes, too picturesque for words. I love it. I love being there. I love the smell. I love the night sky. I love the people. I love the simplicity of a lazy day of Frisbee and grilling. I love the way we are when we're there. Moving to Montana was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Secret
I cannot remember a time in recent history I have been so happy to be woken up. And it took an absurd amount of will power not to let it show - I think maybe I should have. The feeling was overwhelming and unexpectedly surprising.
A Chuckle
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